Relationship Recovery
Toxic relationships and difficult experiences have a way of haunting you long after you’ve left. No matter how many years or miles separate you, even thinking about them can put you on edge. It’s an albatross around your neck, leaving you emotionally off balance & exhausted. If past toxicity has trapped you in an unhealthy cycle, I can help.
It’s time to stop the cycle.
A toxic parent raised John*, and now that toxicity is impacting the relationships he has with his children, spouse, and other significant people. He’s anxious, a perfectionist, controlling, irritable, and lacks self-confidence in certain areas of his life.
“The phone rings and ‘Dad’ flashes across my cell. My stomach sinks, my throat tightens, and I dread the thought of having to talk to him. My ongoing quest to prove myself to him has only ever been met with words of disappointment and an attitude of disgust. No matter what I do, I’ll never be enough.”
“Now, the most important people get the worst of me. I’m irritable with the kids and annoyed with my partner.”
“I’ve become so uptight about everything, and my anxiety takes over. I have to fix this, but I don’t know how.”
Therapy offered John a solution.
John contacted me, overwhelmed and frustrated. He was apprehensive about starting therapy, but knew something needed to change.
He’d been trying for years to “fix things” for himself and his family, but continued to struggle, so he decided to give therapy a chance.
We started with solution-focused therapy, which used specific strategies to produce noticeable changes in his life. As John would say, “The proof was in the pudding.”
As the therapeutic alliance strengthened, we began to work on the dynamic relationship between him and his father. Over time, John was able to forgive his dad for the pain of the past. Now, he is more present and patient with his family.
Narcissists can rob you of trust.
Jen* has an ex who is a narcissist and was emotionally abusive toward her during the relationship. Although she ended the relationship, she now struggles to trust others.
She feels isolated because her ex did not allow her to maintain supportive relationships with friends and family while they were together.
Jen has dated some since “him,” but seems to attract the same type of men into her life. They look good and say all the right things, but then they change and are no longer who she thought they were.
She wonders what is wrong with her. Because of her insecurity, she doesn’t feel good enough for a “good guy.”
Here’s Jen’s account.
“I became a shell of who I once was. I used to be outgoing and confident, but he took that from me.
I thought once I left the relationship, I would return to being the independent, strong person I used to be. I guess it’s not that easy.”
“Now, everyone seems like a potential threat. How could I ever trust someone again? How could I be vulnerable with another?”
“I’m afraid I’ll end up with another emotionally abusive partner.”
“I don’t want to be alone, but I’m so scared to put myself out there.”
Jen sought therapy with me.
Jen reached out to me soon after she ended a two-year relationship with her controlling and manipulative partner. She no longer trusted herself or others.
As we worked together, Jen began to reconnect to her authentic self. She processed the trauma and reconciled the cognitive dissonance she experienced from years of bouncing between moments of idealization and devaluation.
She learned to trust herself again, eventually gaining the confidence to begin dating. We continue to work on triggers as they arise, but sessions are scheduled as needed.
Once again, Jen is enjoying her life and the healthy people she has chosen to have in it.
Co-parenting with a narcissist is challenging.
Katie* was a divorced woman trying to co-parent with a narcissistic ex. She is in and out of court over minor issues because her ex continues to get his “supply” from trying to control, manipulate, and create chaos for her.
Her ex-husband cares more about making her life difficult than doing what is best for the children.
Although he keeps trying to alienate the children from her, she is trying to do what is best for her kids while surviving her trauma as he verbally and emotionally abuses her.
Katie’s problems started with a judicial decision.
“My heart sank when I heard the judge say 50/50 placement and custody.”
“How could this be? Don’t they see what he’s done to me and the kids? Don’t they understand what kind of person he is?”
“He’s manipulating, gaslighting, and trying to alienate the children from me. How am I going to protect my kids now?”
“How am I supposed to co-parent with a narcissist?”
Katie sought help from me.
Exhausted and defeated, Katie reached out to me, hoping to find a therapist who she felt understood what it was like to be connected to a narcissist through children. It had been three years since her divorce, and she was again in a court battle and felt powerless.
Together, we began to identify what in her life she could control, rather than focusing on all the things she couldn’t. She learned effective ways to manage the stress and anxiety that came with the limited, but necessary, interactions with her children’s father.
Katie learned to regulate her nervous system to be fully present with her children. Her kids sought the safety and comfort from the peace she created in her home.
Through therapy, Katie learned the meaning of parallel parenting and became an expert at maintaining boundaries for herself and the children. She cultivated communication and connection with her children and learned to invest in herself, finding a community where she felt heard and validated.
Stop blaming yourself and start healing yourself.
It’s time to channel all that people-pleasing and perfectionistic energy into creating boundaries and healing yourself. Together, we’ll address what’s triggering your emotions, examine unrealistic expectations of self, and assert boundaries to strengthen the relationships that matter most to you.
Utilizing EMDR and other proven therapy techniques, we will silence your inner critic and shed the weight of past pain.
The path to clarity and confidence starts now. Imagine communicating your needs confidently without guilt and how healthy boundaries could protect your time, energy, and emotions.
Experience the peace and freedom of living life unburdened from your past. We can work together to heal, and you can learn to be fully present for yourself and those who matter most.